I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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