What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
