Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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