I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
