Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
