she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i believe in u and ur pee
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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