I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
