porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
