I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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