so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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