dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
