I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
