This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
