I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize