I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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