Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
