No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
