So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
