am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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