i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
