It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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