My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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