i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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