I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
