Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
