He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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