it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
