if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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