Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize