It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
