She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish you could order shots online.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
