Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
