You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
