hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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