I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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