People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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