my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
