so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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