brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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