come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
