I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
