Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
