why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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