After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize