I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
