I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize