I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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