He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize