I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
