I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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