Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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