So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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