yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
