worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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