I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
