my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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