I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
