I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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