My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
then he tried to convert me to islam
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
