She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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