Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
