Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
