thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
