My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
