oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
